emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you.

this is important because so many people don’t know this

I’ve been through this too much in multiple romantic relationships. In the first one, I didn’t know what was happening until after I left the relationship, but with people since then I am able to identify it.

Sometimes times the abuser does not know what they are doing, because many people react in arguments out of ego (i.e. you are contradicting me, and it hurts my pride, therefore I will react negatively to what you have to say) — this makes it important for you to be able to recognize what is happening and open a line of communication with whoever you’re experiencing this with about the situation.

If the person is made aware of the fact that they’re invalidating your opinion, and that this is emotionally damaging, and strives to fix it, then you know that they were reacting with ego in the situation and they truly do value your emotions. This solution can go a long way to rectifying the emotional distrust they had instilled in you.

If the situation is brought to the person’s awareness and they make no effort to correct their communication, then the person is emotionally abusive and manipulative and you need to GET. OUT.

This can be applied to any situation, not just romantic relationships. It can happen with family and friends, and there is no reason to tolerate emotional terrorism to maintain relationships because it is truly damaging.

sometimes I underestimate how much effort it takes
to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning
it’s not that I’m extremely fond of sleeping
but I’m fond of the silence that comes after a dream
where you’re drifting in blackness and calm and I think
this is why I can’t breathe because this is all I want
and sometimes I think it’s all that I need from life
sometimes I forget that you can’t see where I hurt
because it doesn’t show in the pigments of my skin
because you can’t put a bandaid over the wound
because you can’t kiss it and make it any better
it’s all heavy in my head and heavy in my heart
and I think if you could feel how dark this is
you wouldn’t want to force yourself out of bed
you wouldn’t want to have to think everyday
you wouldn’t want to have to fight with your demons
you just wouldn’t want to.

another day, another rant

I am artistically gifted, I know that. I’m not saying I’m the best damn artist there is, not even close, but I do know that I have a gift for it. just because I have a gift for it, though, does not give you (people in general, especially people who aren’t really my friends) the right to DEMAND I draw you a tattoo. when I tell you I will “think about it” usually means no, if I tell you I have “a lot of other commissions to do” definitely means no, and if I ignore you… well, you know. drawing is my hobby, I do it because I like it, I do it because it relieves my stress, I do not do it because you want a picture of a tree with birds flying out of it or you want an arm piece with Calvin and Hobbes and pot leaves and trees and lots of color and ninja turtles and the saying “live, laugh, love” because a) that’s just a damn stupid tattoo idea, b) you expect all this for free!? and c) my drawings are not FOR YOU, you are not the reason I draw, you can take your happy ass to a tattoo parlor and get someone else to draw it and probably draw it better than I can.  I draw because I want to, I end up drawing tattoos for people I like with ideas that are interesting, not because I’m the only person you know that can function around a pencil and paper. thanks.

There’s a reason why the French call it “La Petite Mort”
The little death, the suspension of brain activity,
Used also in reference to a spiritual release,
When you reach the threshold of “to be” or “not to be”,
There is never a question of “to do” or “not to do”,
In literature they describe it as a white-out,
Brain fuzzy from short circuiting, stars everywhere,
Pornography enhances it, society hides it,
What they do not take into consideration is the way
That it feels when your lips are on my thighs and the way
Your teeth find my wrists to bite and the way
Your hands jerk in my hair and the way
Your lips caress my name and the way
Everything feels better when you’re crashing together like a wave
When you’re moving in tandem and you’re chanting in tongues
When your skin is on fire under a touch and the way
The best thing about this death is that you’re reborn after.